2024 Part II

 

Happy Holidays to EVERYONE….

I truly mean that…. EVERYONE.     We are on the tail end of 2023, needless to say that this is not how I was expecting to bring in 2024.

As I look back on this year, I can only hope that everyone’s lives I have touched and those who has touched mine can bring in 2024 with fresh eyes and a sense of meaningful purpose.

As I look back on this year, there are so many wonderful memories.    (I’m only thinking about the happy ones).

As I look back on this year, I also have learned a lot about myself, how I can improve myself, and how I can conduct myself in the future.

1.       Stop being so stubborn.    In both my personal life and work life…. I have been tasked with projects and tasks that take a lot out of me.    If things don’t go right…. I go into “asshole” mode and work triple time to get things done.   

2.       Think before I speak.   In both my personal life and work life, comments and thoughts will slip out before I truly look at the big picture.     It’s gotten me into trouble at work.     As some coworkers have said to me:   “Adam, you’re a walking HR issue”.

3.       Examine my actions.    Especially in my personal life… as well as work life… I know I can do things better.    I have the mentality that if something needs to be done, I will push myself and push others to get it done.    While I will help out and offer a hand to anyone, I think it’s time for me to truly think about myself instead of helping out others before me.

4.       Examine my thoughts.    Recent events have really pushed me to the breaking point.   I didn’t know how to handle them.    For about one-onehundredth of a second, I almost felt like I was about to do something really really F*cking Stupid.    With the help of others, I created this blog to help me through what was and still is a really tough time for me…..but what I didn’t realize was how this blog was also causing a bigger problem.

5.       It’s time for a change……

I am starting Chantix tomorrow (December 25th, 2023).    I will quit smoking.    I have already lost 17 Pounds.   I have become addicted to treadmill use and low weight high rep workouts.      If I don’t “get my sweat on”…. I get agitated.

Okay… the Juicy Part….

Not a minute goes by where I don’t think about her.   

Not a minute goes by where I don’t regret my stubbornness and the words we exchanged

Not a minute goes by where I hit the emotional highs and lows of what happened.

Not a minute goes by where I worry about her and her boys.

Not a minute goes by where I want to grab her and hug her tight

Not a minute goes by where I feel the stabbing pain in my chest.

But as I bring this entry to a close…. No matter how angry we are at one another, no matter how much we seem to hate one another…. I don’t think my love for her will ever wane….

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