Reflection

What should I have done different?

Was this all my fault?

It really hit me hard, when I found out that she had been wanting to end things for months.    How come she couldn’t tell me?    However, knowing she has been wanting to leave for awhile now, explains how easily it was for her to move on so quickly and blow off everything we had this past year and a half.    I can’t help but think that it was all just a lie.

I will fully admit I was not the best boyfriend in the world.    I will fully admit that I should have done more.    I will fully admit that I should have done things differently.

But when I went through the stage of bargaining, wanting to know how I could prove to her I could do this, she seemed happy.    She couldn’t tell me no about “him”.     She would say things like “it’s not set in stone”, “I don’t know what will happen with him”.

It made me feel like everything we shared in the past year and a half, I was now just an option for a pizza topping.

Speaking of being Happy.    She told me “There was a part of me happy to see you sobbing and waterfall snotting”.    

Every time I saw her sob, every time I saw her cry, there was no happiness from me.    Because I knew I did this.