The Good Times

 

The Good Times

Many people “on both sides of the isle” have said for me to try and remember the good times.     I do, I can’t keep them out of my mind.

1.       I Remember:   when we first started talking.    It was a nice evening.    Stars were everywhere.   We were standing near her front stoop.    She was trying to describe home insulation.   She referred to it as “Squishy Stuff”.    I don’t know if she saw the smile on my face.   It was adorable.  This is what sparked the name “Squish” for her.

2.       I Remember:  talking… talking and talking.   About anything.   Everything under the sun.   We would talk for hours on the deck.    One of the talks we had we watched the sun rise.   I got her a blanket.    We continued to talk, it was chilly…. If I remember right, this was our first coffee together too.

3.       I Remember:  our first date.  You were wearing a blue dress (it had pockets).    You were so happy to find a blue dress that had pockets.    You spoke about it a lot.    I remember taking you to Prairie Meadows and we went to AJ’s steakhouse.    I remember how I thought you were right beside me to enter the turn-style doors and then… you were gone.    I didn’t realize J had the powers of teleportation.     She had gone to the other door.

4.       I Remember:  during our first date…. we ordered appetizers.   Cheese sticks… the server barely put the appetizer down and your hand was lightening fast.    Poof… a cheese stick was gone.    I grabbed a fork and cut a piece of cheese stick with it.... you made fun of me.  “It’s finger food!  Use your fingers!”  

5.       I Remember:  our first kiss.   I don’t think I will ever forget that night.   On the deck.    You were wearing peach colored leggings and a lose long sleeve shirt.    I kissed you…. You melted into the kiss.   I felt your arms go around me.   

6.       I Remember:   Taking drives with you.   Just driving everywhere and no where.     Just sitting quietly and watching the night go by.   

7.       I Remember:  Taking you to the hospital.    You were having an attack.  I was scared shitless.    I remember having to work that day and I didn’t care.    I remember sitting beside your bed the whole time.    I remember the wires hooked up to you.    I tried to come up with topics of conversation to take your mind off it.    I remember being exhausted but I didn’t care.    I wouldn’t leave your side.

8.       I Remember:  having to go to KC for work.    I remember all the texts and messages we shared while I was down there for that week.   Those messages kept me sane.   Those messages also inspired me to work harder.

9.       I Remember: all the times we spent on my deck.   Watching the boys play on, around, all over.   I remember your oldest bring over his wooden train set.    He loved playing with that.    I remember your youngest…. Sitting his is little blue/green booster seat.    Trying to keep him out of the sun, in the shade.

10.   I remember:  more of the deck.   Sitting with you, planning the design and layout.    I wanted more space for your kids and seating so we wouldn’t be so cramped. 

11.   I Remember cooking for you.    You helped me grow my passion for cooking and grilling.    I Remember the little dance you would do when you would ever take the first bite.    When I saw that reaction, I knew I had done well.    You savored it.

12.   I Remember the first time you sat on my lap.    Just to be held.    I felt so protective of you.   We were in my basement and I was working.    I remember not wanting to let you go.    I remember the comfort of holding someone.

13.   I Remember the first time I admitted the feelings I had for you.    I remember that night all too well.   The discussion that led up to it.    You were laying in bed, I think you were dozing off and I said to you.   Do you remember?   I do…. “I’m falling for you….”

14.   I Remember the Coffee:   getting you coffee in the mornings.    You loved to sleep in.   I remembered to pay attention on how you liked your coffee in the mug I got you.    Coffee… a splash of creamer…. 1 ice cube.    I remember tip-toeing into the bedroom to set it beside you.

15.   I Remember:   Movies.    I made a list of movies we would eventually watch together.    Sitting on couch.   Cuddling.   I also remember when you had me watch “Perks of being a Wallflower”.    I teared up and I didn’t want to.    I tried to hide it.

16.   I Remember:   Spicy Chicken Sandwich.   No Pickles.

17.   I Remember:  falling to sleep with Friends.    You had to have the tv on while you feel asleep.    I remember how annoying it was to listen to the audience laugh when I was trying to doze off.    Now it’s hard for me to fall asleep in a silent bedroom

18.   I Remember:  how you lit up when I got you that light bright set.    You had told me it was your favorite childhood game.    I secretly ordered it for you.     You tore into it and started following the patterns.   You wouldn’t let me help.

19.   I Remember:  Tacos!   Your love for Taco Truck tacos and burritos were something no one else could match.    You were passionate about those things.     I loved getting you those just to see your eyes light up.

20.   I Remember:  Your Art.    You have such a talent when it comes to blending and laying out the colors in your artwork.    I was so truly impressed when you would show me what you have done and explained how you blended the colors… or how long you would take to find the right match before the blending.

21.   I Remember:  Your harvesting.   You were a madwoman when it came to harvesting zits.    I remember you would open the surgical kit and you would go to town.    I remember how you would make sure EVERY SINGLE PORE was cleaned.     I felt like a block of swiss cheese after you were done.   

22.   I Remember: how you would make fun of me when I was concentrating on a job or project and the tip of my tongue would come out.    You always giggled and poked fun at me for doing that.  Your smile and laugh is infectious.

23.   I Remember:  on a date night we saw that lady walking around the interstate.   You and I both shared the same thoughts… we had to turn around and check on her.   I Remember the LEO’s finding her and the sense of relief we had.     I also remember the ribeye I ordered that night was damn near like burned hamburger.   But the salad bar was good.   You had alfredo.

24.   I Remember:  the times you would ask me “how’s work going”?    It felt so nice to hear you say that.    It was such a warm feeling.

25.   I Remember:   hearing you always say…. “I love you so much”… that is what I remember the most.    You would always hug me so tight.

 

Well this is the list of what I remember, at least of what I want to share.    There were so many other happy and memorable times that I have with you.     I think this is why I feel the last year and half was wasted.   I’m trying so hard to understand how this came to be and how you could have moved on so quickly.    It’s just that…. Moving on so quickly.     That’s what I’m having a hard time wrapping my head around this....and yes...accepting it.  

I miss you